Dreaming of Mom

It has been a while since i dreamed of Mom coming back to live after she was buried for 3 days.

I have this dream in variations every now and again.

The one constant thing about the dream is Mom does not realize she had died at all. She lived as she had before her hospital say - happy and loving.

This morning I dreamed Mom came back to live looking happy and at ease as if nothing had ever been amissed. In the dream it was just Mom and I sitting down on the couch in the living room while I broke the bad new to Mom.
"Mom, you died 3 days ago and we buried you already," I said gently as I held Mom's warm living hands.

"What are you talking about Adik? How could I have died? i have been here all along or haven't you enjoyed my cooking these past few days?"

So the conversations went.

Until i gave up trying to convince Mom that she was either a zombie or a ghost.

I just hugged her real tight and told her how much i loved her and how I never want to let her go and how glad I was that she was there by my side.

Mom, with her usual practicallity asked me, "So what do you want for dinner tonight?"

Oh Mom! How I wish I could hear you ask me for plans about dinner again.

But alas, this had only been a dream.

No where, why, how or when will Mom ever walk back into my life as if she had never been away at all.

Plus it would be super creepy if Mom actually does walk back from her grave to our house after 3 years being buried under the earth! imagine the condition Mom would be in now if she was to walk out of her burial ground and walk back to our house!

But bad humour aside, I guess I still have issues about letting go of Mom or otherwise I would not be having these dreams so often!

Anyway, just wanna say, I miss you MOMMY! R.I.P.

Al-Fatihah.

Amin, Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Conversation With Mom 35

Hello Mommy,

I had been thinking about the desperate words you said repeatedly while you were bedridden in Hospital Serdang for the longest time.

The first time you ever asked that question you were barely lucid but we understood what you were saying nonetheless. It was easy enough to understand where you were coming from considering how well we know and love you.

You asked Along (my big sis) if she was married already.

And Along replied gently as not to disappoint you so much for we all know how long you've been after her to settle down, get married and build a family of her own so you will get a chance to spoil your grand-kids as you had spoiled the three (Along, Me and our little boy who is now all grown up - Abang) that she would not get married without at least telling you about it even if you could not be physically present for her big day.

Every now and again during the 46 days you were bedridden in the hospital you kept asking the same question to Along.

Sometimes you would ask me too although not as frequently as you insistently asked Along.

And Along's heart break a little each time you asked having to face what we knew was coming - your demise, for she knows that even though during that time she was already in a relationship with Phil and you had the chance to meet him once when he visited us for two weeks in our home, she was no where near at the point where they were both able to make that big decision together.

Alongs focus during those heartbreaking days, same as the rest of the family, was to look after you the best way we could and pray that you would make a miraculous recovery.

Alas, such was not the case, and at 11.46 p.m. on a cold November night you passed away as silently and quietly as you had lived your entire life; never in any situation and condition in life had you ever been a disruption in the lives of those who loved and knew you best and everyone else who knew.

Well Mom, the reason I am having this conversation with you today because I have glad tidings to bring you.

If nothing untoward happens, such as Phil having to use the money he is saving for his trip here in July for something urgent and unavoidable, Phil will visit the family, in specific, Along to make arrangements to convert to our religion, Islam, get himself circumcised and do all the necessary paperwork in order for them to be able to get married the next time Phil have another two weeks off from his work.

Finally, the moment you waited in vain your entire life is dawning happily on us.

I hope your spirit will find peace in the knowledge that one of your most fervent wish is about to come true.