Mom's Last Ice Cream

Abang bought a tub of ice cream today. Somehow as I thought of the ice cream in the fridge my mind flashed back to the time when she was hospitalized for the very last time.

From the moment she was lucid enough to speak, all she ever wanted was some ice-cream. She was on the feeding tube then and wasn't able to eat orally yet.

But there was a short span of time within those 46 days that she was hospitalized that she could consume food and we managed to give her some ice cream a few times.

Oh the delight on her face when she tasted those ice creams. She savored every morsel that went down her throat and claimed, "Sedapnya. Sejuk je tekak Mummy (How delicious. My throat feels so refreshed.)."

The kind of ice-cream Mom loved.

I was glad that we managed to fulfill one of her last wishes. Sometimes, like today, when I come across ice creams or though about it, my mind would wander back to those times in the hospital when about the only bright spot in Mom's pain-riled body was a small taste of ice cream.

Conversation With Mom 29

Happy New Year 2013 Mom!

Another new year that you are not with us. I've already spent an entire day in the new year and it hasn't sunk in yet, the newness of it all.

But then again, many changes that takes place in my life goes by without so much as a by-your-leave, simply because a part of me is stuck in the past, trapped by the lost of you.

I know it's nearing three years this year since you passed away, and I supposed I have moved on of sorts, but a part of me is still stuck in limbo when you left us for good. A part of me that sees me having this conversation with you every now and again... a part of me that just can't comprehend a life without you.

Do you know Mom? That when I write out this conversations with you,. I am actually imagining you sitting before me and that at every point or so I'm picturing the response you'd give if you were still able.

I don't know if this blog is a plus or a minus. I don't suppose it does me any harm keeping your spirit alive within the confines of the WWW. But then again... I don't know how much this blog is affecting my ability to heal. Am I just keeping my wounds wide open by keeping this worded shrine for you?

Dark thoughts on what should be a new brighter beginning.

I just wanted to greet the new year with you by my side.

I love you and miss you Mom.

Al-Fatihah.