Mom on her last day
I don't know why, but today as I was listening to all of my favourite songs, I kept thinking of Mom and how I will never listen to certain songs ever again without thinking of her and how I will never get to share with her my favourite songs ever again.
When Mom was ill in the hospital and it was just the two of us, sometimes she would ask me to sing to her and sometimes I would just simply sing to her to entertain her and to pass our time together and take us for a brief moment away from the pain, away from the gloom of the hospital room and into the song that I sang off-key.
Mom loved to sing, but we would never let her because she is tone deaf and have a really horrible singing tune. But now, just with the rest of things that I miss about her, I wish I could hear her sing off key just once more if it meant I could have her in my life still.
Not a single day that goes by that some little things in life don't remind me of her. There is always something in the day to day activities that I go through that will remind me of her.
Sometimes when I'm sitting at the table, peeling potatoes or dicing onions I would remember all the time I spent cooking with mom. And sometimes I would go to the shop and see the strawberry milk drink that I would often buy for Mom whenever I go to the shops, and I would think of how now I will never get to buy Mom that drink anymore.
There's always something in the daily grind that would remind me of mom. On some days I just brush the memories aside and get on with life as usual, but there are bad days when I just break down and fail to stop the tears from falling.
Today is one of those bad days. Been crying on and off since yesterday's early evening and now it's one hour into the new day and I'm still fighting back tears.
I keep telling myself what I always hear people say. That it gets easier with time. That time will heal all wounds. And right back at that I tell myself on bad days, that maybe losing mom won't ever get easier no matter how much time has passed, that maybe this is one wound that time can't heal.
I don't know. It hasn't been a year yet. Maybe it is too recent for time to take its healing effects.
But if I keep having this bad days, then for sure that truism is a falsehood.
We will see won't we; given enough time?