Saturday, October 15, 2011

Conversation With Mom 9

Mommy love,

I had to go to the emergency department at Hospital Serdang yesterday because I was feeling so cold earlier in the day.

Going there brought back memories how we brought you to the same hospital by ambulance only to never see you come out.

I kept thinking, me being the drama queen that I am, that what if fate repeats itself and it'll be me who is admitted into the hospital and this time it'll be me who wouldn't leave the hospital alive.

I know it was highly irrational of me, but I couldn't help but think of the day we brought you to the emergency department and it turns into a 46 days stay at the hospital until you passed away.

It hits Along harder than it hit me, the remembrance of the last time we were at the same emergency department. She told me while she was waiting for me to finish having fluids put into me she had a crying jag, thinking of that fateful day when your fate was sealed.

Mommy, I am lucky that nothing is seriously wrong with me other than having contracted the dengue fever. It hurts and I am uncomfortable, but it's nothing life threatening. The nurse told me after I asked her if I have dengue fever that I only have a mild case of it and that it is not the serious kind. The doctor didn't tell me anything other than to come back today to check my platelet count again and to come in if symptoms persist so they can administer the fluids again.

I hurt like nobody's business, but I am not on my death bed. Which is good, because I have barely lived my life. There are still things I want to achieve and accomplish on this earth.

Mommy, I have to admit while I was waiting to see the doctor that the irrational part of me worried that there might have been something seriously wrong with me and that I just might meet you sooner than I think, but although I miss you terribly and would love to be by your side again, I am still so very glad that I am not at death's door.

For now, I'll just have to keep writing this blog and keep having conversation with you to ease the pain of missing you.

I know you would be glad that nothing is seriously wrong with me and I know you would want me to celebrate life for as long as I can. I live now in your memory Mom. I'm trying to accomplish all the things you dreamed for me and want me to achieve.

Like when you were ill you kept asking Along and I if we were married yet and we had to disappoint you and tell you we are still unmarried. Well, Along will fulfill your lifelong dream of having one of your children married. She's getting married to Phil sometime late next year. You know Phil Mom. You met him once and he came to your grave once on your 100th day of being gone although he didn't stay long by your grave because the ants there got him.

He is a wonderful man and you'll be glad to know Along has find the love of her life after years of swearing off men.

As for me, I am still single and very much unattached. I would love very much to find someone to love and fulfill your dream for me as well, but as of yet I haven't met anyone. It's hard to meet anyone when I don't go out anywhere. But I know you'll be praying for my happiness from wherever you are now.

Well Mommy, I've said all I feel like saying at the moment so I'll leave you now for the time-being to have you R.I.P.

I miss you and I love you always

1 comment: