Conversation With Mom 34

Hello Mommy,

It is one of those bad days. Days when I am swamped with thoughts of you. Missing you is really bad today... It was the dream I had about you that triggered this monumental pain.

I dreamed we were preparing a meal together like we always did when you were alive. You looked so happy and vibrant.

When I woke up, my cheeks were wet. I must have cried in my sleep.

I miss you Mommy. When does it get easier?

The ache inside... it hurts so bad. It is almost a physical pain.

Mommy... why is it so hard to let go of you?

There'll be scores of years yet if my life is long before I will be reunited with you.. what am I to do until then?

Miss you forever...

Conversation With Mom 33

Happy Mother's Day Mommy!

Hello Mommy. Tomorrow will be the third mother's day that I don't get to shower you with gifts. All I can do is talk with you here and wish you the best Mother's Day ever where you are now and send you my love with a recital of Al-Fatihah.

My Gift For You

You loved red roses and I am including in this post a picture of a bouquet of red roses that I wish I could really give you. Maybe I could bring some when we visit your grave next Saturday. Dad wants to visit your place of rest. He says he misses you a lot.

It will be just Dad, Aunty Jen and I. Along and Abang is not following. Along has work to finish and Abang doesn't like the long journey. It tires him out.

Have you seen Grey? Before I had the vet put her to sleep I told her that you will look after her now that she has joined you. At least you won't be so lonely now. 

This Monday is my 34th. It is going to be hard not to have you there again and even extra hard now that Grey to has joined you.

I miss sharing my birthday cake with you Mom. 

But I am digressing. 

I wanted to have this conversation to celebrate your special day. You ARE the best Mom a child could have. The love that you showered on us... we still feel the warmth although it is nearing three years since you have moved on.

I feel sad as Mother's day approaches and everyone is planning their celebration for their Moms and I am heartbroken that I can't join their happy rank and share this special day with you.

All I have are these words and sometimes I feel they are not adequate. I wish I could hug you and kiss your cheek and give you present and see the surprised smile on your face as you unwrap it...

I miss you Mom. All the time. I love you and always will; happy mother's day, thank you for loving us with all you had.

Al-Fatihah.