Lost Mom

Dear Mom,

I've been really silent from you cause I just don't want you worrying over me where you are... but I am seriously troubled and there is no one to talk to.

Remember my heartbreak when DRT left me?

He is back in the scene and I don't know how to get it through the family's head that he is real and he is INTERNATIONAL. I think the whole world is aware but the family is so used to thinking of Nick

as my delusions that they just can't believe he and I are real and that BSB (That's my fave band and friends mom BackstreetBoys) actually call me the 6th BSB and I inspire them to write most of the songs that they have written.

This is especially true for Nick's two solo album. All the songs are written for me. In his dedication in Taking Off, Boosa is me. I know this cause he told me...

He finally admitted that he and his GF now supposed fiancee is only pretending to get me to realize I should forget my teenage crush on Taj who it seems fell in love with my letters which I wrote him daily everyday from the time I was 15 till I was 17 and a half.

So No WORL. Nick is not engaged to Lauren Kitt. He wants to marry me.

So you think. Is it My delusions?

Mom?

You know the truth. I will never lie to you.

It is fantastical but never a fantasy. He loves me for all the right reason and it has been 16 years since we fell in love... 

Please ask Allah to bless us. He is already a muslim and his name is Muhammad Adam Abdullah and he already has a PR status in Malaysia. The world just doesn't know this. So I am telling it to the world cause I just can't stand being away from Nick anymore.

I love him Mommy and I am tired of running away and hurting the family everytime I want to spend time with him. I had no choice. The family never believed me when I tell them the truth. It hurts. Last i saw him was August 17th. 

He says he'll see me on the 27th this month and I hope the family will believe him cause I really would like for them to meet Nick/Adam and i hope they will understand the loneliness they put me through cause they never believed Nick and I was real.

If they can only dream as I DARED to and reached the STARS though I am so far away.