Sunday, August 24, 2014

Conversation With Mom 39

Hello Mommy,

It's been a while, I know. Not that I haven't been thinking of you, it's just that I couldn't find the words to say. It's pretty much the same everytime I come in here. I tell you how much I miss you, how it still hurts not to have you around...

Sentiments are still the same because I still haven't learnt to let go off you. No matter how many times I rationalized that your death was the best outcome for you for had you lived you would have suffered, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I just don't get to have you around anymore.

Mommy, I miss you so much sometimes that its all I can do to fight down the need to bawl.

I think of you and my chest feels heavy with unshed tears. The sorrow runs deep.

As I sit here and think of you and write this post after so long having kept silent, I can't help but lose just a little bit of myself thinking of how life would be if you still walk it with us.

I miss you so much Mom. Everyday.

This coming November 4th would mark the 4th year that you've been gone, but I still feel as if it was just yesterday that I received that call from along close to midnight saying you just passed.

I still feel the surreality of it.

Tears are falling as I write this and just like that thinking of you overwhelms me again.

There's a void inside me where you used to fill it with a comfort that I just can't find anywhere from anyone. There's been moments since you've been gone that I really needed you to be around for. There's just no getting around the fact that no one could give me the solace that only you could provide.

Mommy I love you and miss you always.

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