Monday, March 26, 2012

Conversation With Mom 17

Mommy love,

It's been quite a while since our last conversation. It's not because I have been thinking about you any less that I was before, it's just that I haven't had anything new to say to you.

I still don't really have anything new to say but I felt as if I have been silent too long.

Yesterday I dreamed about you. I was crying in my sleep calling out your name. In my dream I recited Al-Fatihah in your memory and I was mourning you something terrible. I don't know why I had that dream of you.
While I was crying in my sleep, Along was crying for you while she waited for sleep to overcome her pain of missing you.

I didn't want to mention it because it hasn't arrived yet, but I can't help myself. Your birthday is coming. April 6. You would have been 62 if you were still around. This is your second birthday you wouldn't be around for. On the first birthday, the rose that dad bought for you for your last birthday on earth bloomed. It seems the rose will bloom on special occasion. Like on your 40th day, 100th day, on your wedding anniversary and on your birthday. We will see if it will bloom again on your birthday this year.

Mom, Dad too have been missing you something terrible. He was brought to tears a few times recently as he remembers you.

And abang. You know how much it hurts him to have lost you at fifteen. There are moments when he will go all quiet and sad and I just know that he was thinking of you. Sometimes he even said that he misses you so much.

Mom, it seems time hasn't lapsed too much because it still haven't done its job of dulling the ache in our hearts regarding you. The wound is still very much raw and unhealed.

I don't know how long it will take before we can go on with our lives and feel just the warmth of your memories, without the pain of losing you leeching our hearts dry.

I hope you are at peace mom and that our earthly sorrows are not giving you unrest in the afterlife. I hope that where ever you are now that you are finally at rest.

I love you and I miss you. Alway. R.I.P. Mom.

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