Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Conversation With Mom 22

Mommy love,

Raya came and went and we visited your grave yet again. We said our prayers beside it and send you our well wishes. It isn't the same as kneeling at your feet and asking you forgiveness on raya morning and seeing you bless us with your brilliant smile, but at least we were still together.

As you know, Abang turned 17 on Raya morning. Must have been hard for him to visit you that day. I know he misses you a lot. Life's harder for him without the comfort you offer when he's upset or sick.

As for the rest of us... you know the situation with Dad. You were the love of his life and losing you has torn him asunder. He is like a ship with no sails now.

Along. She misses you along with her missing Phil. I don't know how that works for her, but it seems the more she miss Phil, the more she misses you. And the pain is double for her I suppose.

As for me... I assuage my empty heart by writing this blog and having the odd 'conversation' or two with you.
There are still days when I look up expecting to see you before my eyes only to realize with a start that you are no longer around.

Abang's friends are coming to celebrate raya with us this Friday and I'm thinking this is really the first time I have to entertain guest without you. I remember all those house parties that Dad was so fond of having and I remember how you were always the perfect hostess.

Mom, how have you been?

Can you still see us?

I wonder sometimes what you are going through now... where you are... what you are up to... I guess I'll never know until my end comes... And no matter how much I wish I could see you again, I hope my end doesn't come so soon. I still have a lot I want to do in this life. I guess it isn't fair for me to be talking to you about a long life since yours was cut so tragically... But I know you would want me to have a long, healthy and happy life.

Mom? I love you. I miss you. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you.

R.I.P. Mom

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