Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Dreams and Nightmares: Mom in the Night

A few raya back before Mom passed away

Abang had a nightmare the other day that something possessed Mom's lifeless form and cause her to turn into an abomination.

It scared Abang silly and made him miss Mom even more. He was worried that to him it seems as if it doesn't matter anymore that Mom isn't around anymore. He was also in wonder that it has barely been two years since Mom moved on - it seems to him that it has been a longer amount of time since Mom's passing.

Just a few days before the nightmare, Abang mentioned how it has been quite a while since he dreamt of Mom. This was said after I mentioned that I had another dream about Mom.

Not all of my dreams about Mom are pleasant. I have a nightmare or two where Mom came back from the grave, where she was buried alive and had to dig her way out of the grave...

I don't now why, but out of the four of us (dad, Along, Abang and myself) I am the one who is frequently having dreams about Mom.

I get like four to five dream a month on average and it always leaves me with an ache in my heart that just won't heal.

I added this picture of a few raya back, just to remind myself how it was when Mom was around and our family was complete.

It feels strange without Mom around. Despite what Abang says of him already too easily letting go of Mom, I know he still misses her and still think of her and how she loved him so much.

I know there are still things he wishes Mom was around to see. 

The same applies to each one of us. 

I know we are dealing with the loss in our own unique way.

Mine is this blog. Whenever it gets too lonely and I miss Mom too much, this blog is my refuge. 

Here, I can share my pain and deal with it at the same time. Here, I honor Mom's memories and here too sometimes when it gets too much and I just need that contact with Mom is where I will have my 'conversations' with her.

I miss you Mom and I love you - always and forever.

R.I.P. Mom

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