Crying

Mommy i miss you so much. More than i have in a long time. I see a picture of you holding iq and my mind is flooded with memories of you loving , caring and guiding me each step of the way.... I feel you still doing the same though you are on a different plane now.

Where is the joy that i had when you were by my side? Gone

 Why is my heart so troubled and uneasy now? Because you are not there to quiten the raging storm 

When will I ever learn to accept the fact that I don't have your shoulder to cry on anymore? Never

 What am I going to do when pain gets to unbearable and all I can think f is to put myself to sleep?

 For choice was taken from me,
 And I feel trapped in a coffin if my own making,
 I see no way out other than the long endless sleep
 That i will take hopefully for the last time.

 I m sorry i m not worthy enough for this beautiful family Allah has given me
 I m sorry i m not strong enough to resist the hurt that i only imagine.

 I tried living as i thought you and mom would be proud of,
But it seems all i do is turn into blind alleys,
All i walk towards are wastelands created by my mistakes.

 If i die before i wake,
I pray the family not to cry for my sake,

 I m not meant to last
 For my fragile heart is too broken up to heal,

 I pray Allah to forgive my sins,
Though i know euthanasia is just another pretty word for suicide
This time I hope i succeed so i no longer have to see the disapprovals in your demanding eyes.

 To my dearest friend Darlene,
 Thank you for being there always
For believing in me when I had no one who would.

 I m sorry for my wasted life.

 I love everyone in my life and i hope i do you a service by my timely exit

 7.51pm July 27 2013