Sunday, January 19, 2014

Conversation With Mom 37

Hello Mommy,

Been a while since I last had a chat with you. My life's been hell lately. Got sick again and am now slowly recovering.

Been 8 years till I relapsed again July last year. Took me forever to somehow get back to a semblance of normalcy.

Even today I still think I'm still somewhat off-kilter.

Been saying a lot of prayers and I know most of my well-being has got to be from the prayers you said from over yonder.

I miss you Mom. At times like this I can only remember the times when you were around to guide me.

I know when you were alive you too were prone to be sick, but it's nothing like your presence to remind me that no matter how bad the illness snatches my mom you were proof that there is life outside the boundaries of our diseased minds.

You suffered through schizophrenia since you were 19 year old and you lived your entire life since then battling the illness and you lived a good life. You left behind people who misses you everyday and who speaks nothing but beautiful memories of you.

I wish my life could be as well lived as your had been but as such, I've still as yet to find my path and purpose in life.

It's a daily struggle to tell myself that there must be a reason why god gave me this life to begin with. 

Empty promisses and forgotten dreams are all that I have in my life right now and I'm struggling to rebuild a shattered existence which I find detestable to begin with... I just don't know where this road I'm on is heading for mom.

Life is a journey that I just don't have a map for. I used to be able to chart the course of my life, but the ability has failed me now and I'm moving on blind as a bad with even less navigational propensity.

Mom, please guide me from where you are. Whisper a hello to God and ask Him to steer my life on the right path, because right now I just don't see a way forward.

I love you Mom and I miss you.

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