I dreamed of you yesterday. It was one of those dream where you came back from the dead to live as if you had never died. Been a while since I had that kind of dream. Yesterday it was you and I spending precious time together. You were brushing the dandruff out of my hair. And my heart ached feeling the tenderness and love with which you were applying to the task.
When I woke up with the realization that time spent with you could never ever be again, I almost wept.
Even as I write this I feel like crying again.
And then I saw dad post his picture at your grave today and the tears just started to fall. I should have followed dad to the wedding today then I would have been able to visit your grave. But I am having my monthly and I am feeling poorly and didn't feel like making the long trip to Pahang.
But I would have really love to visit you. It's been a while since I last visited you.
I miss you Mommy. So much. There's an emptiness, a gaping hole in my heart where your presence once reside. Memories are not the same Mom. They are not tangible. Not something I can hold physically. These arms ache to hold you once more.
Ya Allah knows how much it hurts not having you around. It should get easier with time, but it still hurts so much. I am crying now and I can't stop thinking of how much I wish you were still around. It doesn't make sense to me you being gone. I know everyone's time will come, but how I wish yours hadn't come so soon.
I love you Mommy.
The two of us once upon a time