Thursday, July 28, 2011

Conversation with Mom


I miss you. Wish you were still here so I can share with you my worries and my thoughts. You were my constant companion and now that you are gone there is no one I can really talk to.

There is something weighing on my mind. It's about Along. She's been depressed because she is missing Phil so bad. You met Phil mom. Just that one time. The first time he came you didn't see him. The second time was when Along introduced you to him. By the third time he came, he visited you at your grave.

The thing is Mom, Along and he are planning to get married. Just that it's taking longer than along expected. The miles apart and missing him is killing her. Simple Plan's latest song 'Jet Lag' describes how she feels perfectly. I shared the song with sis and she cried.

She's been crying a lot lately.

It's troubling mom. And I know she's missing you along with missing Phil.

She regrets that she couldn't fulfill your desperate wish for her to get married when you were alive.

Mom, so many things I wish I could still share with you, so many things about you that I still sorely miss.

I know when you were alive I dreaded it every time you wanted me to pull your grey hair, and more often than not, I would refuse your request, but now I would give anything to just hear you say, "Adik, cabut uban mommy, (Adik, pull my grey hairs)".

And I miss preparing meals with you. Cooking now is a solitary task that I have undertaken fully. There's no more you to keep me company and supervise me cooking. No more you to refer to when I have doubt about what goes in what.

Mom, I miss you. So very much.

Next week the fasting month begins. The first one I'm facing without you. Sahur (early morning meal before fasting begin, taken at pre-dawn) won't be the same without you to make sure everyone gets up and have their meal. This year it will be my duty to ensure that there's food on the table for sahur every day.

And than after the fasting month, will be Eid. And we will only be able to say a prayer at your grave. There will no longer be a chance for us to kneel at your feet and ask you for forgiveness. This year that ceremony will only be with one part of a full set of parents. I guess I'll have to do my apologies at your grave.

Oh mom, how life's change since you've been gone.

You were a crucial part of our lives and now you are just gone and we are left with an emptiness that can't be filled.

R.I.P Mom

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