Like today, for the life of me, I cannot remember mom's drink preference if we go out to a mamak stall (coffee shop). I know it's a trivial thing to want to remember, but it's the little little things that made up who mom was.
What if after years go by I'd start to forget the essential things and factoids about Mom and what made her who she was.
I'm not alone in this. My little brother, Abang, he worries that sometimes he doesn't think about mom anymore.
What if one day I wake up and it was as if mom never was.
This is my fear now. Something I am acutely terrified off.
I don't ever want to forget Mom. It's bad enough that she is no longer around, but it'll be worse if those who loved her lose all sense of who she had been.
This is another reason why I'm keeping this blog. To write things, memories about mom, so in case I EVER heaven forbids, forgets what made Mom who she was, I'd have these postings as reminders.
Just to write certain things about mom, she loved watermelon juice, cakes on her birthdays were always something she looked forward to and she would always be so touched if we bring her back some things from whatever outings we went to that she didn't go along with.
She loved red roses and for her hantaran (dowry) on her wedding day she asked from my dad 77 red roses.
She was gentle and kind and seldom lost her temper, which did not mean that she didn't have one. It just take a lot to get her really angry. My elder sister would testify that she at her stubborn best would sometimes meet the angry Tiger (mom was born in the year of the Tiger) mom could be.
But loving. That's the most salient thing about mom. Above all she was such a loving individual. Her heart had a tremendous capacity for love.
Oh, and mom never holds grudges. That just wasn't the kind of person she was.
Oh, mom, how I miss you.