I suffered a disappointment today and I want to share it with you. I entered a contest and the result came out today. I did not win. It is the nature of contest and competition that there's a chance to win and even greater chance of losing.
I remember how you had always encouraged me to enter contest as you were fond of them too.
I recall the one time when I was about nine and you send in a story to a magazine and your prize was RM100. I remember how you were so excited about the prize. You went to the bank everyday to check whether your winnings have cleared.
I still remember how I found your excitement contagious and endearing.
Today as I swallowed the feeling of being let down, I remember how you always faced the inevitable losses you suffer when you enter contest with calmness and a sense of acceptance.
And of course what I remember most is your exuberance when you did win something. Remember the crossword puzzle you entered and won and despite the fact you had to share your winnings with other entrants who got it right didn't diminish your joy one bit.
Oh Mom, how I miss how you look at the world. You were always seeing the best that life has too offer, even when times were bad and you had your worries. You always had faith that things will work out.
I miss that about you Mom... among other things. How I long to hear you say to me, "It's ok Adik, you'll win the next one."
Mom, now this one-sided conversation is all I have left off you. Never will I hear your responses again. Days like this, when I need to hear the quiet assurance in your voice that things will work out in the future, I feel the emptiness even more acutely.
Miss you Mom.
Forgive me if I trouble you with my aching heart. I just miss you too much mom.