Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Conversation With Mom 7

You and I

Mom, I dreamed of you last night. I was crying and telling Along could we please visit you at the hospital since we haven't been to see you ever since you were admitted. I said how could we not go and visit Mom. We don't know what is happening with Mom at the hospital. It was like we have forgotten you at the hospital. I was really upset and then I woke up and realized you were already gone and that it's not that we have forgotten to visit you at the hospital, it's that you are gone and no longer in the hospital for us to visit you.

Mom, I miss you so much. I looked at the pictures that have you in it and I ache for things to be as they were. I ache to have you near me once more.

On the 24th of September, we went to Chenor to have your kalang (grave base) fixed. Your place of rest now is resplendent Mom. We finally managed to house your grave. Your grave looks wonderful now mom.

Abang, Me and Dad at your grave

Along took the picture above. We were reciting Al-Fatihah at your grave after your kalang was fixed.

Before the kalang was fixed, Abang and I talked with you. Telling you about what we have been up to - what we wished we could have shared with you.

Dad cried. He misses you just as much (if not more) as we do.

Mom, you were gone too soon.

I miss you every single day and sometimes it's even hard for me to breathe thinking of how on your last days on earth you had a machine breathing for you. I know you were in terrible pain at the end and it was Merciful of Allah to end your life for otherwise you would have only suffered further. But still, the ache in me wished you are still around.

It's hard going through daily routine when suddenly I would turn around and expect to see you only to be jarred by the reality that you are no longer there for mt eyes to see.

Mom, soon it'll be your one year anniversary. I don't know what that's supposed to mean other than that's how long you've been gone. Still feel just like yesterday when last I saw you alive. 

Pain is a constant companion ever since you went back to the Almighty Allah. All I can do now is send you a prayer that you are among the faithful and that your soul is at rest. I pray daily that me missing you so bad here does not affect your soul and make it restless.

Al-Fatihah Mom, till our next conversation - R.I.P Mom.

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