Remembering

Felt like listening to 'Shame' by Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow. And I don't even know why I felt like listening to it again after all these times. As I listened to the song again, it brought back memories of Mom during her 46 days stint in the hospital.

This song was released in the middle of Mom's stay there.

I remember how this song was like an anthem for me during those days.

I'm brought back to those heart-wrenching days as I watched Mum disappear right before my eyes.

It's been a while since it hits me this hard. I'm bawling almost as hard as I did back when Mom just passed away.

I miss Mom all the time, but there are days when it's harder than normal to keep the tears at bay.

As hard as those 46 days were, I'd give anything to be able to sit beside Mom once again and watch her as she sleeps.

I know, I know. She's off to a better place. She's no longer suffering. But can I help it if I miss her so much?

Amazing how even a trivial thing like listening to a song could open the floodgate of memories.

There was Mom as she delighted at the small amount of ice cream we managed to give her after she's been craving it for weeks.Then there was Mom asking me to sing to her.  Then again there was Mom as she lay tired after her dialysis treatment. And again Mom on her last days on the respirator, blood coming out of her mouth....

These images will never be wiped from my memory, nor do I want it gone, it's just that sometimes when it comes back to haunt me, missing Mom gets harder to handle.

Taking a deep breath and hope this spell of heartache will end soon.

R.I.P. Mom