When Silence Gets Too Much

Sometimes silence might seem like indifference,
Days, weeks go by and I keep my distance,
Not because I don't care,
Not because I've forgotten,
But sometimes silence is all there is
When words fail to describe further how much I miss you
How much I yearn and how much I ache for you.

But I've been silent far too long,
The stillness is deafening,
And I again search for the words,
Whether in vain or not,
It is for you to judge,
As I once more struggle to tell you,
What life is like now that you no longer walk it with us.

Mommy love,
If I could paint you the bleakness of my soul,
Without it coming up pitch dark
Like my heart is,
I would.
I would show you the many shades of grief,
The layers of hurt,
The lines of pain,
But alas I am not much of a painter,
And all I have are these words,
And still they fail me.

How many ways can you write what pain means,
What loss is all about?
How many words can be scribed telling you
How my heart bleeds,
How my spirit is shredded...
Too many and too little all at the same time.
Suffice is to say, this is another expression of
My soul's dejection.

I love you and I miss you.

Adik
2011 hrs. 19 June 2012,
The empty house you left behind,
Puchong, Selangor