Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Conversation With Mom 21

Mommy love,

Uncle Dzul (Dad's mentor and friend) and Pak Long (Dad's Brother) both passed away recently. Uncle Dzul on Saturday June 2nd and Pak Long On Tuesday June 5th.

I don't know how things work in the after life, but I was hoping you'll have more company now. I hate the thought of you alone. I hope all those people we've known in our lives who have moved on as well are there with you and that you are not lonely.

Mom, I worry about you still. I wonder how you are faring in the after life. I hope you are doing all right.

Me? I'm not doing too well. Too stressed and too many things ailing me. Right now I'm eating 9 different medications daily and I'm guessing when I meet my doctor next for my diabetes appointment I will have to add another medication on my list. Oh and don't forget the insulin jab at night.

I don't mean to worry you, but you know how it is mom, you were about the only one I could always talk too.

I miss those times Mom. Those times when I would talk your ears off. You would listen and would tell me things that would make everything that seems wrong in my life looks less threatening and scary.

I miss you, period.

I know every time I have this conversation with you I'd be telling you in one form or the other how much I miss you. i'd hate to sound repetitive, but it just doesn't seem to be enough - me telling you how much I miss you.

Life is rather stressful now. Dad is overtly sensitive and every gestures and words we utter he would misinterpret it in the negative way. He keeps insisting that we don't love him anymore, that we find him a burden to us and he keeps saying that it's not like he is going to live for very long anyway and that soon we would be free of him.

This is so outlandish that I don't know how to tell him that he is paranoid. We love him so much and would never wish ill off him. We don't want to lose him anytime soon. Losing you was hard enough. Losing dad in any near future would just about shatter us.

I'm telling you all this so that not only will you know what's going on down here, but also so dad could read this and know that we do not resent him and do not for a second think he is a nuisance.

We love dad. We love you. The both of you makes the best parents any child could have, even with all your flaws and failings.

No one is perfect, but the both of you have loved us beyond what perfection could initiate.

Dad, if you are reading this, please, please know that we love you always and would never wish ill on you.

Mom, please whisper in Dad's dreams that he doesn't need to leave this plane so fast and that you'll be waiting for him when and only when his time has come.

I love you Mom. Sorry if I brought trouble to your resting self. I have no one really I could share this with.

I miss you always. R.I.P. Mom.


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