Conversation With Mom 28

Hello Mommy,

This will be the third new year we will be celebrating without you. So much have happened since you breathed your last. Especially this year. But that isn't why I wanted to write to you today.

I just want to spend these last hours of 2012 with you.

A few days ago, dad was busy asking Along to scan old pictures, and it brought back a slew of memories.

Thinking back to all those wonderful times captured in those old photographs, I was resorted to tears... thinking how those times can never be relived again because you are no longer here with us.

Remember this picture Mom? It was during my 17th Birthday Party. You know Dad, always wants to give his little girl everything. He missed by a year though. Hehe. It's sweet 16 Dad not sweet 17! But still, it was the thought that count. Dad wanted me to have a Sweet Birthday Celebration. And so we had one didn't we Mom?

And you were the best. Even though you just came off one of your relapse you were such a trooper for my birthday. Abang was just a baby then and Along was in U.

And I remember thinking then that life was just about perfect. I had my family, I had my best friend with me, life was my oyster.

If only happiness is a lasting instead of transient thing.

Then there wouldn't be days like today when I feel like my whole world is shattering again because I have images of you flooding my mind and how I yearn to just touch your face one more time, here your voice one more time...

I'm writing this to you while greeting the New Year, because as always, I want to take you along with me. And I thought, what better way to usher in the New Year than to spend some time with Mom.

I miss you always and think of you all the time and wish you were still here every single day.

But Allah is the All Mighty, The All Knowing, The Compassionate... and Allah knew more than we do that you've had enough of this life and that your time has come to move on.

I don't question Allah at all, but I can't help but wish, nonetheless, that you are still with us among the living.

Life has not been the same since you walked out on us that cold Thursday evening in 2010.

Mom... I carry within me pieces of you everywhere I go, every day I move forward.

Al-Fatihah.

Conversation With Mom 27

Hello Mommy,

Abang had a tonsillectomy today in Hospital Serdang. That's right Mom, the place where you breathed your last.

Thankfully, Abang's surgery went well and he will probably be discharged tomorrow, but being in the hospital as always, reminds me a lot about the time spent looking after you back then Mom.

Today I even met the guard who guarded the entrance to the ICU ward back when you were admitted then and she asked, "Back again?"

I told her this time it was for my brother.

Yesterday I texted Abang on his phone and reminded him to say a prayer to Allah asking for a successful operation and also I told him to recite the al-Fatihah for you and to ask you to bless him.

I don't know if he did as told, but I did it just the same on his behalf.

                                          Abang in the hospital sleeping after being medicated

Mom, I just wanted to share the good news that your little boy is safe and will now be tonsillitis free after so long having suffered from it.

Thank you for watching over him still from where you are.

I love you and miss you Mom.

Conversation With Mom 26

Hello Mommy,

I was just thinking about your Meandering River. The story you always wanted to write but never got around to. Just like my best-selling novel which I never get around to writing somehow.

You know Mom when I talk about my writing abilities and my natural flair for the written words, it is almost always easy to think that most of it come from Dad because Dad has been writing all his life and never seem to stop.

But now thinking about it, I think the way I write and my play on words, they seem more likely to be coming from you. Although you seldom apply yourself to the written words when you do the result is amazing!

Remember Mom when your article was published in one of the women's magazine? And you got paid RM100? I remember how excited you were that they published your article. And I remember too some of your writings which never saw print.

Oh how moving were those words you wrote!

Well Mom, I am trying to live the dream for you. To get my writings established. To share with the world the story that is in me. So that it won't be too late for me like it was for you. Oh the story you could have told with your 'Meandering River' Mom...

To not let my writing skills go unpolished while I wait for that illusive inspiration for my great novel, I have joined an online writing site called Helium. And you can find links to my works by going to my about me page at Helium.

I miss you Mom. All the time. In every way, every day, in every thing I do... I am always thinking of you.

Al-Fatihah.