My biggest worry where Mom is concerned that I didn't show her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me when she was still alive.
I am afraid that i failed her somehow. That I didn't show her the maximum love and took care of her the best that I could.
It keeps haunting me that there must have been more that I could have done for Mom when she was alive... especially her last few months on earth... when I was taking care of her in the hospital. Did I talk to her enough? Did I exercised her limbs properly? Was i gentle enough when handling her daily baths?
Most importantly I wonder if she knew just how much my world is better just because she was in it... How I am a better person because of the person she was and how she raised me with so much love and care.
I don't know if I told her enough times how much I loved being her daughter... even when times are bad and she is in one of her relapsed and not making much sense... I loved her so much, but I'm afraid while she was alive I took that love for granted, took time for granted and never utilized all the time we had together to ensure that she felt deeply loved every single day of her life.
Maybe she knows... I hope she does.
Mommy I love you. Al-Fatihah.